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When going into a negotiation, you must be aware of what kind of self-talk is happening in your mind. Chances are if you are like most average negotiators, you are experiencing some version of the Assumption-Compromise-Assumption thought process.

First, the chain of events is set of by fear or doubt in your position in the negotiation. You think that there is either something wrong with what you’re offering, or there is a fear of your negotiating opponent.

What happens in your head is something like this: “I wonder if they are going to think my consulting service is too expensive? Maybe I should drop my price a bit. Maybe they are going to think I’m crazy for asking so much.”

The first assumption is that the person you are going to negotiate with will think that your price is too high. So, you start to compromise by lowering your price. You justify that with another assumption that they would certainly think you’re crazy for asking such a high price.

You’ve just successfully negotiated against yourself before even meeting the prospect. Why did this happen?

The main culprits are a lack of confidence in what you are offering and a lack of a proper negotiating system.

First, go back to step one and really consider what it is that you are offering. Whether it’s a product or a service, analyze its value and be sure that you are comfortable representing this product or service.

The car ride to the prospects office is not the time to think about this. You should have confidence in your offering long before setting up an appointment to negotiate with someone. If you haven’t done so yet, go back and be sure to do this or you will be stuck in the Assumption-Compromise-Assumption trap forever.

Now that you have 100% certainty that you are offering something of value, it’s time to turn on the self-talk monitors. Be aware of what you are saying to yourself and be sure to classify something as an assumption or a compromise as soon as you recognize it. Then, step back and re-check your new-found confidence in your offering to counteract this assumption. It looks like this:

“I wonder if they are going to think my consulting services are too expensive. Maybe I should drop my…wait, that was an assumption! Let’s step back here. OK, I analyzed it and I know that if I do the job the way I’m supposed to, I can increase their profit margins by at least 10% which would more than pay for the service I offer. So, there’s no reason to think about lowering my price. I’m offering real value.”

This type of self-awareness and self-control does not come about easily. It will take a lot of effort and a real focus on changing your way of thinking. But, if you put forth that effort, your negotiation skills will drastically improve and your level of confidence will also rise to a new level. Put a stop to the Assumption-Compromise-Assumption trap now.

Recently I participated in a workshop organized by the Suisse Romande chapter of the International Coaching Federation. The workshop entitled ‘The Coach as secure base: the foundation for building trust’ was presented by Professor George Kohlrieser of IMD in Lausanne. My initial intention in writing about this was to summarize and communicate the learning I took away from the workshop. However, I have also chosen to write about communication and presentation skills, both of which are development areas for many of my clients.

George Kohlrieser is the consummate professional when engaging an audience and getting his message across. Due to factors beyond his control he was a little late for the event. After a day’s work which finished with him giving a presentation to 500 senior executives (a last minute request) one could forgive him (and us) for being a little jaded. However he launched into his presentation with a few self-deprecatory and funny remarks which had the workshop participants laughing uproariously and soon we were almost eating out of his hand.

The enthusiasm and passion George has for his subject were palpable. He has a background in clinical psychology and, in addition to his work on leadership development at IMD, he is frequently involved in hostage negotiations around the world. One might of thought that this was the first time he had given this particular presentation given the energy and freshness he brought to his delivery, but I am guessing he has given the core of the content many times.

This leads to a key requirement that many presenters forget. What will interest the audience in what I have to say, and/or how can the audience use the information imparted practically? Frequently, presenters try to deliver exactly the same message to many different audiences and consequently there is a discrepancy between the message delivered and the message received. George remained faithful to the context and the professional interests of the majority of his audience, i.e. professional coaches. I would bet that every participant in this event could take some learning away and use it the next day in his or her work.

To call it a presentation would be misleading. It was a highly interactive experience with frequent demands on the participants to respond to challenging questions thrown at them, or to interact with fellow participants to try out some technique, and/or engage in a role play.

Throughout, George gave the impression that he could learn at least as much from us as we could learn from him. He listened actively to all questions and comments, asking clarifying questions or recapping what he had understood when necessary to ensure he could respond accurately. In this way he built rapport and trust with every participant.

His discourse included a mix of professional and personal anecdotes which always adds to the interest and understanding of participants. I certainly felt that I was gaining an insight into the man, both professionally and personally. His description of his first involvement in a hostage taking, during which a man held a pair of scissors to George’s throat, threatening to kill him, had me on the edge of my seat. Happily he was able to bring the situation to a satisfactory conclusion with the man deciding to give himself up to the waiting policemen, and thanking George for helping him see a better way out of the situation.

George did have a PowerPoint presentation but I only remember seeing a few slides which he used when he felt they could add value to the learning, and he certainly did not need the slides as a prop. He used several quotations to highlight points or to stimulate thinking. What was helpful about the slides was that each participant received a hardcopy at the end.

Finally, ever available and gracious although by now it was after 10 p.m., George took questions, signed copies of his latest book Hostage at the Table and wrote a personal and individual message for each person.

If you get the opportunity to participate in a workshop animated by Professor George Kohlrieser TAKE IT. If you have a personal or professional interest in coaching, I recommend that you attend a monthly meeting of the ICF.

There are factors that determine the degree of success you’ll have in a #negotiation. Those factors are what will also make you a good #negotiator or one that’s significantly better. The following are a few of those #killer #insights and how to use them to your advantage in a negotiation. Using them will ensure that you have a #better negotiation outcome.

Negotiation Environment:

Where you negotiate can have hidden advantages for the person controlling that environment. But there are also ways to control an environment that you’re not in control of.

1. Your environment – When you control the environment, you can control the temperature, lighting, and other creature features that would make one more comfortable while negotiating. If the negotiation becomes tense, you can increase or lower the temperature in the environment to coincide with the adjustments you want the other negotiator to make (e.g. he gets heated, you turn the room temperature up or down to make him hotter or colder).
2. Not your environment – When you don’t have control of the environment, if things become intense, you can offer to change venues. If it’s accepted, you will gain the advantage of not being in the environment that the other negotiator controlled. Plus, he will have allowed you to take the lead simply by his acquiesces.

Negotiation Positioning:

The way you position yourself before a negotiation determines how someone perceives you – it will also play an important role in the way you’re treated. If you position yourself as a tough guy, a tough guy negotiator type may treat you harshly – that’s his form of protecting against you perceiving him as being weak. If you position yourself as being weak, the tough guy may attempt to take advantage of you, while the weak type of negotiator may become emboldened to become more aggressive.

For the best positioning, consider the negotiation style (e.g. hard, soft, meek, bully) that your opponent may use – and assess which negotiation style you should adopt to offset any advantages he might gain from negotiating in that manner.

Negotiation Strategies:

Control – You command a negotiation by the degree of control you exercise. When appropriate, you can give the impression that you’re led by the other negotiator – you might wish to do that to gain insights into where he’ll take you with his control. You might also do it to put him at ease – less powerful negotiators become fearful when they sense they’re up against a more knowledgeable negotiator – letting him lead will allay his fears of being dominated by you.

Offers – Some negotiators will insist on getting a concession for everyone they make. You don’t have to do that. Depending on the negotiator type you’re negotiating with, consider saving the chits you gain from making concessions and using them in a combined force (e.g. I’ve given you this and that and I’ve not asked for anything. Will you please give me this?) – Accumulating concessions in this manner and calling in the chits earned from them can become a very strong persuader for the other negotiator to make concessions. Just be sure not to grant too many of them before making your request. The more concessions you make without getting a return, the more likely it becomes that they will lose their full value.

No matter the type of negotiation you’re going to be in or find yourself in, using the above insights will improve your negotiation abilities. And, it will improve your negotiation outcomes. So, always be mindful of how and when you use them… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

Listen to Greg’s podcast at https://anchor.fm/themasternegotiator